Why we should refuse to feel shame for our periods.
I was fourteen when I first started my period. To be honest, it was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of my life. I have always been an anxious person, and only in recent years have I learnt the strength which comes with this. My anxiety stems from a hyper-awareness of other people and their possible expectations of me. This is also what makes me an extremely empathetic person, and my ability to easily tap into strong emotions also stems from this hypersensitivity. Though at times my emotions feel like huge waves rolling inside of me, sometimes making me dizzy with motion sickness, I have realised the power within this. I am exceptionally emotional, blessed with the ability to feel another person so intimately through music or writing that I am moved to tears most days. Like a flower, I water myself with my own tears and I grow. Throughout my life, however, I have associated my sensitivity and femininity with weakness and humiliation. Starting my period is an example of this.
This type of advertisement is extremely damaging, especially for hypersensitive women like me. These adverts told me my period was dirty, or “not fresh”, something external to myself that I needed protecting from, and something which I should hide.
As a young teenager I was weighed down with the sticky shame of my period. Sometimes during menstruation I can literally feel the blood flowing out of my body, and when this happened during my teen years I welcomed a wave of dread with this also. As I secretly stuffed tampons up my sleeve to sneak to the bathroom I was told a narrative that my period was dirty and awkward. Advertisements for sanitary products were wrapped in making periods as discreet as possible, even today main tag lines for ALWAYS products include terminology such as “freshness”, “protection” and “discreet”. This type of advertisement is extremely damaging, especially for hypersensitive women like me. These adverts told me my period was dirty, or “not fresh”, something external to myself that I needed protecting from, and something which I should hide. Even during primary school, where I was first told about periods in a school setting, I remember being taken to a “girls-only” space where we quietly discussed periods away from other children (this also reinforced the notion that periods were a strictly girl-only issue and something we shouldn't burden our lovely lads with). And we cannot ignore the somewhat more damaging can-do-anything-even-on-her-period-super-model-playing-tennis-in-a-white-skirt advert forced down our throats as young women. This narrative tells us that to successfully menstruate you must be exploding with positivity, energy and flawless capability. You should be so active that it is almost impossible to even tell you are on your period. Again, as I naturally failed to accomplish much more than eating my body weight in sugar and nap during my first years of menstruation, I was left feeling simply inadequate and mildly embarrassed. And so, my teenage years were embedded in an exhausting effort to hide my period as much as possible, resenting the cramps and hormonal headaches that came with it.
As I naturally failed to accomplish much more than eating my body weight in sugar and nap during my first years of menstruation, I was left feeling simply inadequate and mildly embarrassed.
Fortunately for me, I was raised in a highly feminine household where womanhood was highly celebrated. My mum and two older sisters were, and still are, a huge support system as I grew up as a cis-female teenager, offering me a safe space to freely talk about my body and shamelessly making periods, breasts and feminine expression common conversation. My dad, always compassionate and patient also empowered me as a woman. My dad carries a great deal of respect for women which eliminated any shame I felt for my body when I was at home. Asking my dad to buy sanitary products as a teenager was never an issue for me and being at home has always felt like a safe space for me to express my femininity in whichever way I want to. This was my saving grace growing up and I am blessed to exist in such a supportive family unit.
Some trans men menstruate, some non-binary gendered people menstruate, some cis-women don’t menstruate. Menstruation is a remarkable experience had by a huge range of people, yet we as a society do not celebrate this.
Having said this, I am aware this is not the “norm” and a great deal of my cis-female friends have been unable to discuss their period with their father figure throughout their lives. This is because periods are simply not celebrated in western culture. They are also regarded as a specifically not-male experience. Again, this creates a great amount of strain on menstruating people as not all people who have periods are women. Some trans men menstruate, some non-binary gendered people menstruate, some cis-women don’t menstruate. Menstruation is a remarkable experience had by a huge range of people, yet we as a society do not celebrate this.
During menstruation an individual’s entire body changes. I personally experience menstruation with a hypersensitivity, with my sense of smell and touch becoming extremely heightened. My anxiety can peak as I become very emotionally aware, my muscles become tender and I and much more connected to my softer, quieter side. Periods can represent femininity and fertility, but this is not their only role. Matching the moon, periods flow in an approximately 28-day-cycle. During this time a menstruating person’s body will shift, hormones rising and falling just as the tide ebbs and flows. Furthermore, a person who menstruates is born with all of their eggs. This means, when a person menstruates, their body is releasing a small part of itself, forever. Not only is there a sense of acknowledging a potential life unrealised during this time, but also a physical loss of a part of yourself. This is not to say that mensuration is a sorrowful time, but rather highlights the beautiful intricacy of this experience. Like an autumn tree shedding ruby leaves, our bodies feel the loss. It is a remarkable feat for a body to prepare for a potential life, accept its absence and wash it away like a river each month. This experience is embedded in grief and growth, both beautiful and natural. It is truly astonishing what a menstruating body is capable of.
In recent years I have learnt, though gradually, to shed the shame surrounding my period. I have learnt the strength which comes with my ability to feel things so acutely. My body is capable of truly magnificent things. During my period, I personally feel a deep connection to my feminine energy which is also reflected in the moon, the ocean and trees. I now find I spend my period meditating to mother nature, embracing the sensitivity which comes with my shifting hormones. I feel empowered by my period, by my sense of womanhood and my ability to be strong in my softness. This is not the experience of all people who menstruate, and I welcome you, if you are still with me reading this, to learn as much about people’s relationships with their periods as possible. We are all glowing with a natural wonder that lives inside of our wombs, and we will all feel this experience is many different ways. Periods are not shameful. They are undeniably valuable, beautiful and remarkable, just as the people who menstruate are.
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